Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
