Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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