I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
