how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
