i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
