I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
