Pants 0. Shit 1.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
