i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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