I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
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She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
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I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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