You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
