so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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