If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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