I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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