Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
