i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
