My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
