I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize