how can u be prego again
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
