what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
