he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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