So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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