I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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