You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
