I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
