You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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