Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
