I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You need Xanax blowdarts
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
