the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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