could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
