I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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