you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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