i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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