The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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