carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
