Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
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you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
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Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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