I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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