Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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