i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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