i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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