oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
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Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
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Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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