She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
