she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
