I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
