I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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