I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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