allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
