I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
