Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i think my cat just said my name.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Don't tell me you're on acid again
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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