Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
