She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Your cock deserves a montage
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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