I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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