Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
