And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
