He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
