thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
this just has baby written all over it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
