I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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