i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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