I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
