In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
