I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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