two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
