Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
