Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
