I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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