just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
