honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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