nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Randomize
