well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
