**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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