My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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